Thursday, March 27, 2008

I Take All the Pictures...

and if I'm the one taking all the pictures, I'll never get to be in any...and then how will Ella Rose remember me as her young mom? Almost every picture of her, she is with her daddy, and that makes me jealous. So rather than become resentful because my husband never thinks "ahhh...that is such a cute picture moment of the two of you...let me get the camera so that we can remember it forever", I made a resolution. I'm going to start taking self-portraits of Ella Rose and me together - you know, the ones with camera in right hand, trying to capture both faces, even though it's likely that at least one of us will have half our head cut off (not the best composition). At least she can remember that she had a mom, no thanks to daddy.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Our Sweet Family...

Here are a few of the promised pics that my favorite photographer friend Jessica took while she was staying with us last week. They are so cute! It looks like we were in a studio, but these were taken on our back patio at around 6:20 pm with a white blanket as the back drop. Jessica has some serious picture-taken skills! We highly recommend her!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Deep Baby Thoughts...

I know several moms who have lost a child but never gave it much thought beyond, "man, that's really sad". I thought, it must be really hard to get through something like that. But now I realize that's all you could do - get through it. A parent can never get over it. How do you keep living after something so tragic? All I could muster up is to exist. So I've been thinking about those parents I know who've lost their child. How have they managed to move on? I've only had my little sweetie for 10 weeks (today) and I can not fathom ever living without her.
With so many things in life, I think - "it will never happen to me". Like, I'll never get cancer, get hit by a drunk driver, get some crazy undiagnosable know. But over the last week, I've been thinking about parents who lose their children - some as babies, some as children, and some as teens or even adults - and I've realized that unfortunately it could happen to me. Now that I have my own child, I can't get passed these nagging thoughts.
I have the priviledge of being a "stay-at-home mom" so I get to spend a lot of hours staring at my baby, realizing how perfectly formed she is - she's beautiful. I often wonder why God would be so kind to us sinful humans, to give us such a wonderful gift - our babies. Ella Rose doesn't talk to me yet, or tell me how much she loves or appreciates me, but it doesn't matter. If she never told me those things, I'd love her just as much. I can't imagine loving her anymore than I do right now. It's not because of anything she's done, but simply because she exists. And now I realize, that's just how God loves us. Wow. I've always heard that I wouldn't understand God's love until I had my own child, and it's true. Not that I can really understand why my perfect, sinless God could love me - a sinful, rebellious, ungrateful human, (and Ella Rose doesn't even rebel or knowingly defy me yet) but at least now I have something to compare it to.
So all that to say, I think I now know why I haven't been able to get these thoughts of parents losing their children off my mind. Because I love and appreciate my precious baby so much, I am fearful of losing her. (The only comparison that comes to mind at the moment is my little niece Molly, who l-o-v-e-s cookies. She found a stash of cookies this morning and obviously feared that her momma would take them away, so she hid in her room and crammed them into her mouth as fast as she could.) Unfortunately, sometimes I fear God that way. I feel like the more I love something, the more likely He is to take it away. The thought of losing my husband has crossed my mind in the same way, and now Ella Rose. The more grateful I am, the more I fear losing that thing I love so much. Now that I have a sweet baby, the reality of our human mortality stays more on the forefront of my mind. "It" can happen to me, and that's why I am committed to loving my little Ella Rose and valuing every day that I get to spend with her. Life is a gift, but how much more a gift (and huge responsibility) is it to be given another little person's life to take care of? And like I said, I don't know why God was so kind - but I am so grateful that He is!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Jess in the Hizzie

Alright, so this is me almost one year ago - but Jessica still looks just as fantastic. I just had an eight and a half pound baby so I don't look quite the same...yet. But I will, by dangit. More to the point, this is my friend Jessica who is staying with me for the week. We haven't seen each other in six months! So we have lots to catch up on. We have tons of fun - and tons of cookies (which is why I am the way I am...). Jess is a fantastic photographer (503 Photography) and she is taking all kinds of cute pics of my little chubby baby this week - and lucky you! You all will be the beneficiaries of those pics soon. Check out her blog - Darling Ella Rose.
Anywho, we're spending most of our time together on the couch...facebooking each other. Friends are fun...especially friends like Jessica. Friendships like ours are few and far between - and very hard to come by. We laugh. And laugh. Our time together is good for the soul (but not for the bee-hind).

24 hours later...

Friday, March 7, 2008

Ella Rose's FIRST Snow!

It's our first snow of the year...and Ella Rose is quite the snow bunny! She's mad at us because we wouldn't let her go out and play in it today. I mean, she's only 8 weeks old. (She thinks she's a big girl already.) Next year, I told year. :)

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Chubby in the Tubby...

Yikes! Ella Rose is already lovin' the camera. My mom came over yesterday and we took these tub pics of her for the upstairs bathroom. When the camera comes out she just sits and lets me shoot away. Take a look at that round little tummy!

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